Day #206 : The End of The Beginning Night

So 5 years and a half is coming to it's end. Tonight, we were having our farewell party, as merrier as we can. The party was beautiful, not only the preparation but the peoples in it. As i began my farewell speech that night, i was talking about differences. Yes, not anyone can deny. A lot of changes have made. Personality, physical, attitude, talent etc. As i go back to 2008, and look deep especially in me, i see the old me and the now me is totally different. 

Personally, i've been through a lot. 2008 - 2009 isn't easy when i still trapped between a lot of choice. Intentionally i planned to continue to India for Medic but my parents didn't let me do so and i was regretting a lot of things back then. Now that i understand why everything happening, i am much appreciating the chance of being a teacher. Good news is i am so much in love with my career now.

Back then, i was totally blind in music. I mean, i came to IPG with an empty hands, not knowing anything. Thanks to my environment i am now improving compared to who am i 5 years ago. 

Another thing is, i was in charge for the Choir and Orchestra team for about 4 years and this thing really build up my inner self. Also, I can't forget my endless duty etc. When i go through the years, i admit, it was tiring enough for me. Surprisingly, i didn't stop. It was an endless job. One thing done, another thing appear. It was like I was doing one thing beside thinking about another thing while looking at another que up undone work. There's a time i cried and felt hopeless plus stressing out but i didn't stop. I can say i didn't give up, so i was able to stand up until now :)

It was good to say about the positive till now, but i've been through a lot of bad things too. However, i won't blame the bad because it help me to stand strong until now. Well, one thing that still stayed fresh in both of my heart and mind was my dad. He was looking forward for my ending but he was sent to rest right before i finish my campus day. I missed him a lot now but i just can't do anything about it. As i mentioned before, this world has been so much tiring for me and i believe he felt it too cause i inherited this spirit from him, i guess. Good thing dad is now sleeping and he won't feel tired anymore. I don't know how long it will be but i'm going to do my best to meet him again someday.

Another thing is love. Honestly i can't resist love. When i come to love someone, i'll stay fixed and thus love will always be the top reason of my heart broke. I decided to love someone when i enter my IPG life and already plan a future with it. But , trust didn't work out with this one. I was in love with the person for about six years with that person and a lot of things happen. Back then i don't understand even a bit of it but when i get matured i came to understand each thing happens in the past. I can't deal with the trust really so i decided to let go.

Then somebody came. It was indeed sweet. It was beautiful. I want to keep reminiscing the memories in frame of gold and planned it to continue till death do us apart but again, parents said no and we decided to let go. 23 September 2011 is painful. So much painful. But i learned how love should let go. it's been 2 years now and i grow up a lot. Although i was so down and i didn't live my life for the past two years well but now i realize that I've been more matured in handling feelings, more better than before. Seeing him smiling like that now, my heart jump . I was happy. Now i can say and understand "So, this is love is all about".

Stooopppp... It's not the end of the love story. I admit , i was eyeing someone now. It was too early to say or to decide anything but i will let God handle this one. He has given me a lot of chance but i can't handle it properly. This time, i'll let God in control :) 

Argh, i lose my memory. What did i want to write earlier? ugh, i forget. Nevermind. Above all, everything happens here was a beginning to get me ready for the next phase in life. There will be a lot of circumstance in front! Thanks to the bad and good i went through here, i'm ready to enter the next phase. 

Sigh. I've been through a lot huh *______________________________________* 

It feels good though. I feel so much thankful for now. Thank you God, for not giving up on me when a lot of things happen here. I love You.

It's 5am in the morning and it's time to wake somebody up to watch football :D and me going to sleep again. :D 

XoXo

I Have Something to Show You #3 : Celebrating Ishak+Resc Wedding

We've been working on this for almost two months. And this brought us with a new name 'Waratte Photography' . Waratte means 'smile' in Japan's Language.

Today was the end of the hard work :)

Here are some of the photos. Kindly give me advice on how these photos appear. Negative or positive, it all welcomed :D

If you need us to help you with photography, kindly contact me here : +60143598201

XoXo

Day #205 : Awesome Weekend :D

Last Friday, five of the team went to Beaufort. That were me, debora, Pinnie, Pepem and Wendy. When we decide to go to Beaufort earlier, i kinda got this tingling feeling. It was good to be home ! Ya, it's been long since i last visited them :) 

Well, lot of things happen but there are this four things i found hard to forget. First, when the bus didn't stop at the place we asked to stop earlier. we asked to stop in front of the Tokong (about 10KM before Beaufort) which will direct us to our home but the bus stop at the wrong Tokong. So we waited for Pastor to fetch us. With Pastor and Lelen, it will be seven of us inside the Getz. "Kita besesak2 saja" said Lelen. But when they arrived, Jade and Kakak Sheila were inside the car too and it will make us 9! Nah, ini kali lah! So pr asked us to come in anyway and it was funny but exhilarating. 

Secondly, i was sick the early Sabbath morning. I don't know how and when it started but it was torturing me somehow. Thinking about tomorrow will be the performance day, i need to fight against the sickness. And all i can say is, i succeed. Although my b/p show 90/60 and the doctor said 'people will faint in this state' but i survived somehow. :) Thank God.

Third, when pastor asked me to give a message for the vesper. When i asked Wendy, Debora and Lelen about the topic to share, they asked me to talk about strength, faith and hope and sure it was related to 22nd September 2013 , when dad passed away. I am not really sure about talking about that matter now. I mean, i don't know what to say. But Pastor said, 'If you are ready, then tell us about your experience' . So i was sitting and reflecting and finally come out with this 3 greatest lesson.

1. God never do something without any reason. Long before we aware of it, God prepared us to go through a hard battle. Thus, never underestimate His way.

2. To get closer to God so we can be with Him in heaven and meet all the people we once lose.

3. To get closer to God so when we pass away, people won't mourn - it all because there is a hope, i mean they see hope for us to meet again, someday soon !

Last but not least will be the performance we did in Lintasan Desoka DBKK :D Big applause to the team. We did a great great job. I was amazed with every changes in us. Everybody become matured compare to the last time . And for me, thank God, i see a big different in me about managing the team, not to scold them all the time, giving a wide way for them to be happy, controlling the feeling, respecting the young and old and appreciating the one i treasure and love the most. Thank God ! Thank you very much. Also, thank you for the talent you gave us. 

Now i was thinking, where will i take them next. Dear God, please lead us to where your talent should be :)

*Next time, i should take a lot of pictures*

XoXo

Day #200 : Thanksgiving Day

So it's the 200th days of the year. 

I usually look forward to this date to celebrate it with blast. 

But this year i choose to forget and yeah i succeed. It is the matter of love and friendship with the person i never met. I almost can feel her love and her heart especially when someone betray her. I didn't know her. I barely know about her but somehow i felt the love in her. I've been there. I learned well to treat people like i wanna be treated. Thus i don't want to hurt her because i know well about the feeling :) 

So, I just keep repeating the same wish and prayer for God to take care of him for me and let the future surround him with love in whatever he do, wherever he go and whoever he encounter with. Thank God he let a wonderful person born on this day :)

***

So today for the first time i attended IPG assembly successfully. I mean, i was there from the very beginning to the end. Honestly, I am not doing well with obeying the rule. I won't obtain 100% for my attendance. Ah, i should aware of this if my student treat me that way next time ! 

Then i spent about 3 hour to tidying my room while watching Appa Odigga before i went to Juta Hotel to manage our 'The End of The Beginning Night'. Being a chairman , it's never been that easy :) But i gotta do this , for the last moment in IPG . So, i manage to settle this one with my 3 other assistant.

I just came back from a short jog with my roommate when my friend called and asked me to watch movie with the other friends. I didn't expect the movie to be "Insidious II". Man, i can't handle the ghost thingy well ! next time i better ask before i decide to go. Grrrrr !!!

That's how today's end :)

XoXo

Day #199 : Rest In Peace Eternal Love.

Dear dady,
Two years ago, you and mom were with me inside my room in Ipg Kampus Keningau hostel. Both of you asked me to look up. Both of you stayed and try to lift me up. Both of you asked me to stop crying or at least look unto your face. But i refused, i was crying hard and i didn't turn my face up and look at both of you. Then, i felt mom's and dad's hand were above my head. And i heard dad's prayer asking God to help me to be strong. After a while, both of you told me that you were going back and still i didn't look up and didn't even say thank you or see you or good bye. Then, i received mom's message saying 'both of us were proud of you. You did well in school, in church, in music bla3 . Don't let this problem ruin you or make u go crazy. Get a hold of yourself'.

Yah, that was 2 years ago. September 23, 2013, i experienced a great lost. I made a bitter decision to let go of the man i loved the most. I was blaming my parents my church my religion my friends etc because i really thought that all of those matter made me experienced the pain.

I was asking God to heal me or let me die, or at least to help me forget everything! But the pain doesn't stop. It goes on and it was toturing me like flipping, beating, burning, turning, breaking etc etc me and i was going insane!

But, September 22, 2013 that two years after, last month, i experienced the loss again. This time, it was dad. The day he left us, i didn't cry. I smile and let dady go calmly. I was wondering what make me that strong. I've been crying since small, just thinking about dad being sick or there's a mosquito biting him, when he is hungry and there's no food for him etc etc not to mention about he is R.I.P. NO! I never accept that and i was thinking about dying if and only if dad left us. I told God bout it. I told God to keep him safe and never take him before i really prepare myself. I still need him to hold me when i get married and need him to hold my child(s) , his grandaughter / grandson ! 2013 isn't the year!

But, it happens and dad now RIP. I am still wondering why am i not crying that day. And i realized that God help me to prepare since 2 years ago ! He let me experience the great pain 2 years ago to prepare me for the greatest pain this year.

I learned well. God is too wise to be mistaken and God is to good to be unkind. There will always a reason behind your pain. Get hold of yourself and look up. God gave the greatest battle to His strongest soldier. There will always be blessings through raindrops.

P/s: Rest in peace dady. I love you. You always stay in my heart although i can't see you now. See you in heaven dad. And let's read this entry there :) TOGETHER!

The feeling was awesome!

Sitting here inside the hall watching the throwback for Seminar Penyelidikan Tindakan, i am now feeling free, awesome etc. It was awesome !