Day #26 : Happy Labor Day

"It's holiday. Let's get a lot of sleep !"

O Yeah, i used to believe in that before but seems like i forgotten that now. Holiday means much more than that. Holiday means i got to enjoy my free time. Free time means, i need to go outdoor, hit the gym, run all day, taking photos, reading, singing, eating, playing instruments, laughing, chit-chanting ^____^ etc. I remember yesterday when i sat all the time to finalize my proposal. I don't know why and when did it turned out to be something ... errr... too long ! I never see any proposal like that. OK, frankly, i pour out 12 +++ words yesterday and it took 70 pages including the cover. WHAT? OK i know it's very very long. Maybe i was just too emotional? Because i'm doing an action research on reading? 

Well, the thing is, there's a lot of issues related to reading and almost of all the issue is , people dislike reading, which i conclude as a big issue too. Why did people dislike reading? Probably because it isn't interesting? Oh, i don't think so. I've been waiting a real time to read when i only have 30 minutes a day to read or maybe i don't have any. Oh common peeps, reading is SOMETHING big. What is the word? Something... something... i don't know. But it kinda big. It adds up a lot of JOY in your soul. Oh, you still doesn't like ... hmmm... perhaps, i should find something to change this --> to my student, later! 

OK, so today i was awake early and it's a good thing to realize that today is a holiday. I've been smiling since 3 pm yesterday just to think about today and the finished proposal. Today's 12 hour was filled with choir practice, meeting friends, playing games, playing violin, return and borrow books, bla3 and i just have 12 hour left in front for me to spend my holiday wisely ! I have those wisest thingy in my mind, just for today ! I'm going to enjoy my free time now... Time to burn the fat (s) .

p/s : I hate to realize that yesterday is the final day for me to claim my birthday gift at times bookstore :( NVM!!!!!!!! :)

Ciao !

XoXo

Day ＃24 : Why did my proposal turn to be this long ?

Yesterday and today was a cruel day . I mean , i was cruel to my body. I didn't do what i should do to take care of me! I didn't eat right. I didn't drink enough pure water, i took bath late at night - one in the morning and i never done this before. All i do was damaging myself Except that yesterday's eve - we went to jog. I ran for 1600 m and walk for about 800 m and i do love that time.

The rest of my day was spend to finish the proposal. I enjoyed writing until i noticed that it already 43 page and now it was 51 page. That means, i wrote almost 9000 words already ! And i haven't finish it yet :-( :-( What should i do ? :-(

Ok i know this isn't a right time to keep blogging . Will write a lot later .

Good Night !

Mr. Camera,

em going to sleep

My sister and Mel

Sister make herself look taller! eleh ~ hehe

Look how small my eyes! Got that from dad <2

Day #21 : Almost Lost

It 's Sabbath evening and it's raining heavily outside. I was inside the Church Female Guest Room, trying to forget the gastric pain. I don't know when did i start having this gastric in me. I remember well when i said 'i wonder how is your pain' to my eldest sister when she was in the corner of our home, refuse to take any food nor drinks and trying to resist even a little movement. She answer me in pain : 'If you have the smallest space on earth, i choose to go inside it, or you take that bed and put it above me.' Now i think i understand.

By the way, things didn't went very well this few days, that i really lose hope to count my blessings everyday. I was experiencing that 'scared feeling' that i ever locked myself in a room and switch off the fan on a very hot days just to hide myself from one person who really make me scared to death. 

Just in case i forgot this in the future and i need to recite it for my children (if i ever get married) for them to learn a lessons:

There's that man who trying to manipulate my family and all people dear to me. He was pushing and pulling everything, beating around the bush and really know how to make me stressed out to the fullest. I don't know what to say more about what he is trying to do, but seriously, he is really CRAZY. I spelled that correctly and it explain the situation well. I used all kind of might i have to explain and he won't understand. He was very confident that i was made to be his wife but at the same time humiliating me with my past and using every story to threaten me just to follow his DESIRE. Yet, he is no difference with the one he was talking about. I mean, he was doing the things he use to humiliate me. 

Another thing that pissed me out is when he tried to deteriorate my man. Oh please, That man whom i love the most isn't someone he know and it was quite annoying to hear him talking about HIM.=.= . The great difference between you and him was ' I LOVE HIM and I DON't LOVE YOU'. I think i spoke that out clearly ! I repeat it 8 times in front of you. Yet you come to my family and turn everything upside down . Well, i know mom was siding on you because you show your innocent side . 

Oh please stop. I can't speak anymore. And i really can't face it anymore.

That was a veiled situation I've been through last few days and it was torturing me besides doing my Proposal paper. Thanks to dad that he helped me speak out to that man this morning. I hope this time he know how to distance himself from reality and dream. I was so mad, dissappointed, scared and sick because of this thing and its ruined my relationship with mom. I know i was too harsh on her. And i know i need to apologize, as i will do it right after i finish typing this . 

Above all things that happen to me this week, i learned to live within the breathless day. And i learned to catch up with everything though i am very weak to deal with anything related to HEART.

Oh, by the way, our Ohana's video now finished and here it is . 

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW - OHANA

XoXo

Day #18 : A Daughter of SHAME

It's 11.53 pm. I supposed to be sleeping by now. But i just can't let my eyes rest. I am inside this small room which we called Guest Room. This room has been one of my favorite room ever since i get to know with Keningau Church about 5 years later. Tonight, this room filled with four ladies, Wendy my sister, Eyster my diapers friend and Mel the one who use to live here everyday. I can say that now we're in a pure generation where Einstein state once yet afraid the most - we were staying together but with our own world (laptop, smartphone etc). Mel was laying on her bed. Wendy was sitting beside her while editing her picture, Eyster was laying beside me with an opposite direction with the two ladies, As if they were x axes and Eyster and i in y axes, also facing the laptop updating her blog. The single lamp still shining bright up above right in front of me, which i can take as one of the good reason why i still can't sleep up until now.

So to speak about today, i attend the class early in the morning with my purple uniform, wearing my name tag, black shoes, with my hair tied fully. Like the other morning, i didn't wear my matrix card - i say wear because there's a lot of possible way to use it either hang it on my neck or i might double-taping it on my uniform. As i walk along the hostel's corridor, i noticed my uniform wasn't look like the first day i wore them. The beautiful flower made by several type of thread now looked damage which then make me realize on how long i didn't took care of my cloth like making a new one, let alone my appearance. TODAY, i was thinking about changing that. IF i have ENOUGH money.

I arrived 15 minutes later after the class begin. I finished on time actually but it took few minutes for my roomie to find her glasses then finally decided to use the contact lens. she doesn't seems like to wear that but honestly she drew my attention by wearing that. Another mean was, she is stunning when she use the contact lens. 

So, today the lecture was about all kind of data collection for our action research. The term is Standard Deviation. Frankly, i hate mathematics. I hate the unknown thingy. I hate everything related numbers! I was sitting alone behind Daus this morning and i was blurring around. I don't understand any single thing plus i can't see the slide clearly. Oh my EYES! Fortunately i bring Jasvinder's book along with me - A Daughter of Shame, A must read SHE- another version of real life book. Another book means another challenge i need to understand this life would offer to anyone lived in this cruel world. Yes, the first 9 chapter of this book really shows the cruelty of this world - it was all about force marriage and killing and raping etc. Somehow i can understand the situation that have been told in the book. Another thing i kept saying was 'Man and women is really in a different world - i was relating the way this book has been told with the previous book i read, The Princes. Jashvinder is a woman and Conor is a man. Of course the way of delivering something + their point of view is different.'

So I've been reading that and ignoring the lecture. Soon i know that my attendance was ticked as absence. Oh, really? I was there and i was going just because of the attendance and finally it was absence then? Oh my ... I just can't believe my ears. I wanna spoke out, I want to pour out the anger, no, not anger, dissappointment suit more. Why what how bla3. I have a lot to say and i want to say those without a single punctuation. I want to say those straight like keep pouring a cold water in someone's face and never giving a single space to breath. I know, this is another version of cruelty. But then over the 22 years i live, i learn that it was important to sometime keep my mouth shut to maintain the relationship which being joked around by certain people and i really hate it. =.=

It's OK!

So when i took a little nap this afternoon, i was dreaming about a man, which referred as my husband - in the dream. I didn't have a chance to take a good look at his face, so i can't remember how would he look like. As far as i remember, he is about 170 cm , not so dark and not so white, and he have those strong heart in him, showing a serious care to any abandoned children we met and really in a good shape of responsible person. The dream was about our meeting and our trip to railway station. On our way, we find out that there's a lot of children were abandoned and we are trying our best to save each one of them until we lost our way back home. So, this strong husband of mine was comforting me and trying to keep me calm and trying his best to fixed then finally drove the abandoned train. As we go on, i remember him holding my hands, trying to remind me that he was there with me and i don't need to worry. The train went so fast and i was like screaming and asking him to slow it down  with a harsh voice which then i find out that the train was losing control and he was trying hard to keep it on track - after a while i regret doing that. 

So, we were left in the place where we can't find any possible thing to eat or drink. My husband look very exhausted, probably because of the hard work he battled before. I can see the look in his eyes, he needs rest. I hurt by seeing him being like that, but he held my hand and he act strong as always, he protect me and he was trying so hard not to show his misery. Looking him like that, it made me began to compare him with others who only face a small thing but showing a lot more hurt more than what they face just to draw attention from others - slowly i admit that he made me proud of him! I am just about to declare that when i saw the white wolf in front of us. I know it was a bad sign for us, and could harm us. All i think for now is GOD. I was hugging him and i ask him to pray with me. He hugged me back, tightly, but I know he doubt that prayer power through his body language and in the end the wolf begin to bite his leg. We strengthen the prayer and i ask him to believe and finally the wolf go away. 

Sadly now he is bleeding so hard! And i remember myself regretting not to master all the first aid kit basic. I SHOULD HELP HIM - i shout that in my heart while crying and he still trying to walk and trying to protect me from the wolf....

I was wide awake and still thinking what is the meaning of that dream ----- I don't know.

***

So this evening was another evening i spent with my bestfriend - abby. We are struggling with the portfolio and soon will do the Proposal. Thank God we finished everything and we proud of our effort. TOGETHER we are STRONGER than what we thought we are. 

It was quite a relief after i play the piano for the church mid-week prayer today. 

I felt the stress went away and here i am enjoying the lesson i got from Mr.Johanity, the united prayer and the choir practice. 

Eyster was sleeping in a trouser and t-shirt beside me, wendy is trying to begin The Sims and Mel was asleep since ....... OMG it's 1.09 am. I really need to sleep NOW!

Good Night people.

XoXo

Day #17 : I think I am changing to do-good-er book !

It wasn't so interesting when I wake up this morning. I was trying to smile but all I did was just showing a grin on my face without its sweetener. More like drinking a hot coffee without a sugar – black and bitter. So I was wondering about how would I continue my day today with this body and mind condition. Thank God, Alex brother text-ed me and we planned to hit the Complex today.

I didn't realize the moment I laugh happily this afternoon. I can’t even remember what things I faced that change me drastically without even noticing it. All I knew is, I was clinging with my superb BF, Abby since early in the morning. I think she have done something great with putting an exact amount of sweetener into the smile. Gracias didi J *didi used by Nepalese to address older sister in a polite way, as we might say madame or mademoiselle*

Today was just another ordinary day with another important knowledge come into my heart. All thanks to Mr. Vijayen for helping us so much with our Action Research. As in lecture room today, I was trying to pay attention as much as I can along with giving my heart along. It’s hard to understand .something especially from a super great idealist like him if I didn't take my ear, eyes and heart together.

***

I finished reading the book entitled “Little Princes “by Conor Grennan today.

This is an inspiring story and a page turning-adventure. Conor, is the man who promise to bring home the children of Nepal. Each page of the book pictured a great view of the life he had been through there. I can say that the writer really know how to lure me inside the situation he has been, anywhere in the book. If the place is cold, then I really can imagine how cold it was. If the place is in a very dangerous situation, then I can picture the situation well. When he is sad, I really can feel how deep the hurt was. So do when he fell in love, I can felt the embrace too! Well said Conor. You did a very great job picturing every detail in the book. You made me proud and joined the NGN community with hope someday I can give a great contribution to those children.

Besides that good explanation thingy, I learned a lot about Nepal’s culture and good-old saying like Namaste means I salute God within you which have been mistaken by Conor as “hey there” or “what’s up” that he said that to all possible living things he met at the village he went first. He was yelling that like “Dude!” or “My Man!” to his buddies. He said that he yelled it to everybody accompanied with a big wave – to the children, to the mother who carrying a baby, then to the baby and even to the stray dog that he bent down to give him a scratch behind the ears and salute God within him. That's one of my favorite part and i started liking him. I was thinking about how could i act if i was in his place or someday when i'm on my world tour? Blank -----

Well, from my point of view, this Conor is quite fun and stronger than he thought he was. He was trying to reunite the family , finding those 7 missing children which means IMPOSSIBLE in NEPAL. He himself don't believe that he'll succeed but by all mean he did it. The last children he found was almost in the end of his story and he was speechless over time. Farid (his friend) and him didn't believe they found all the 7 children besides the other children in their house. The only one who believe it was LIZ - a woman who wins his heart. A lot of thing happens and it spark the value of finding the possible in impossible. He is a GREAT RESCUER! I can tell that this kind of man is a man every woman should marry!

Another thing that captures my heart here was the story between him and his lady – Lizzie. Well, he did a great job by writing this: I was in love with her. I thought about her constantly. I missed her. She was my best friend. Yet I never saw her. I mulled over different solutions, but in the end, we lived nine thousand miles apart, and I just didn't know if we could ever overcome that. Worse, I was afraid she might be thinking the same thing. I knew that there were another men lobbying to date her. Rich guys, guys with impressive jobs in DC. I knew that she had turned them down, and she always told me how much she wanted to be with me, not with them. But they were there and I wasn't. I began to realize that love wasn't always enough. I walked slower than usual that day, unable to shake that depressing realization.

What is in his mind shouldn't be something to be worry about. When a lady fall in love, they won’t see either you got that much money or how great a man’s status would be. So to speak, I agreed with Liz – very much! Distance doesn't matter, condition doesn't matter. All we need are simple care and love us the way you can do. We didn't demand a man’s look or career or etc. So that for me, When I say 'I Love You' then I really mean it!

So, for this entry, I have something to say to the precious man I know.

So, you’ll be experiencing that long-distance relationship about a few months later. I don’t know why am I saying this but I have faith with that little lady. I know she is great with her definition of success and you always thought yourself lower than any other man and you demand your love one to have something greater than you can give. If you ever been in that condition, remember that the ‘SOMETHING GREAT’ is you. Yes, it’s YOU. Second, I know she is pretty and there’ll be a lot of man out there wanting to date her. Behold dearie, if she once gave away her ego to come back with someone she leave behind before, that means she does really love you, she saw something great within you and she won’t give up on you. Be still and pray a lot. God will help you to work things out together!

Once again, thank you Brother Conor for sharing that very interesting story!

*Off to meet with Ukulele team*

Ciao.

XoXo

Day #16 : weak =.=

It’s been so long since I felt this less motivated.

It’s Monday morning and I was awake at 7 am. The class starts at 7.30 in the morning. Abby was waiting and I asked her for 7 minutes to prepare. Preparing means – ironing my uniform, make-up-ing, and managing my hair together with my lecture’s bag. And I finished on time. Haha

This morning happiness totally ruined by the way because of that person who comes in to our class and suddenly treating us like kiddo. Oh please, if you really want us to respect you, please show some too! You can always tell us everything with a soft way though. =.=

 I’ve been waiting this relaxing day since 3 months ago. Now I am here, and I didn’t enjoying thing. My friend Mr.Azrul texted me ‘You look boring’ while I was listening to the lecture. It was 2 hour and just looking at the title ‘Data Collection’ made me really bored to death. So the words ‘VERY MUCH’ answer his text correctly.

I really don’t like today that I didn’t have that joy I seek every day. I need outdoor activity(s) so much! I am trying to hit the gym but the answer is NO MONEY. I want to go out to freed my jailed mind and still the answer is NO MONEY –Transportation will need that-.  I want to visit that relaxing Jacuzzi but the answer was NO MONEY too. I want to take some good shoot but NO MONEY to go anywhere too! So, I shut my brain and mouth of course and spend time sleeping all day long again. No MONEY No TALK really makes sense now!

*What an uninteresting life without activities! Life, please give me something!

By the way, i learned that next time when i got a lot of work to do, i better enjoy the moment cause it's dying to keep laying like this.=.=

XoXo

Day #15 : Ohana I'm In Love

I don’t have much to say about Sunday’s morning. I thought it’ll be another same Sunday. Who knows that this Sunday is a great change in my life?

Mr. Amodd use to invite me to every ukulele occasion but I always have that ‘reason’ not to join them. Actually that ‘reason’ disappoints me. I want to join them badly but I don’t know why it happens together with another important thing. I hate to decide. I hate to drop one of them.

This evening when Mr.Amodd called and inviting again I suddenly felt ashamed. The event was a photo shooting and video-shoot at AVA-C studio together with Keningau Ukulele Community. Frankly, I don’t have that courage to show my talent in Ukulele. I am really a beginner and I know I won’t master the chording for such short time. There I am thinking about all the negative side of myself and sure it made me fall more and more low. I am fortunate because Ms. Eyster got that courage to participate and we have Mr. Amodd waiting for us at campus to go together!

I was lucky because I get along easily with the crews. Well, my first impression was they are another version of glee, and I am happy I was part of them. So, we spent the 1 hour for photo shooting and video-shooting with a lot of fun. As I recall my turn to act on the stage, I suddenly blank over again and I really don’t know what to do. The whole crew was laughing happily seeing me act silly, teach me to pose but still I don’t know what to do. *I was born to stay behind the lens, not in front – maybe*

I thanked Mr.Alan for giving us a space to practice along with a little rule that I think wouldn't be a problem to us. Praise God for sending us another angel to help us realize our dream- to strum, to laugh and sing our joy together.

We spent time together strumming and having our evening meal at De’café Restaurant before parting. I was so happy about the change I experienced today. Thank God for that.

I thought I will sleep along with that happiness but who knows that today was the first day I cry with all my heart on my new year. As I cry, I didn't stop calling God’s name to take care of the person whom I love the most. So, I guess it is a love AGAIN huh?

*If only you know that I lived my life everyday looking at the short sentence ‘Get Well Soon =(‘*

That’s how I end my day. 

Mr.Camera

Sorry for the bad quality guys. Was finishing this besides all the busy-ness thingy.

XoXo

Day #14 : Thank God for meeting me up with Daddy

I start my Sabbath with hugging and chatting with my piggy  PG friends. It's been so long! I missed them that bad especially Wendy. 

We were chatting eagerly that we forgot the night would be different because we have visitors from Union and Mission to give a seminar about Church's Organization. So, Wendy and i rushed to the church without taking a bath and greet every person inside the church with 'Happy Sabbath'. So to speak, i was playing the piano for the congregation and having that stage fright spreading all over my body. At first, i don't want to play because i am so much afraid and i can't play well compared to the other. But Mr.Yabin told me that i'll gradually master each piece if i continue to play. That moved me to the piano, besides, all the pianist haven't arrived yet. Thanks to Ms Lesly that she finally showed up and phewww, i ask her to play then.

So, i was spending the vesper with blurring around . I barely understand each words uttered by the speaker. Probably because i am sleepy or so. I went outside with Mr.Brandon and watch some Australia video and picture from Mr. Abed's phone. He went there a few months ago and there he is showing all the photos! *It triggers my travel's excitement - AGAIN*

As i recall, i was singing for the Sabbath School's service, teaching the Early teens class with their Sabbath School's lesson, Managing the PA System with my cute little brother Bryan *He is just 8 yo and he know how to manage the PA. Bravo!*, singing as a choir for the devine services, enjoying the port-blessings, sleeping for a while before we continue with the Pathfinder program in the evening. Besides the leadership thingy, i actually having so much fun with them and of course i am enjoying every moments back then.

It was a pleasure to meet my daddy - Mr. Daniel Bagah who taught me a lot about life today. I was admiring him that he have the spare time to support me back then with my black past while he is there busy managing so much thing! Thank You daddy!

Thank God for today's blessings.

Ciao.

XoXo

Day #14 : Final day of practicum

I remembered yesterday when i was thinking deeply about what to give to the top student as i promised the first day i came in to 3 Jauhari. It takes me a while to decide about whom I will crown as the top 4. And finally i decided - Azhan, Mikri, Chystelle and Shafizah. Yesterday's evening, i went to the town and bought the trophy for them and foods supply for tomorrow's farewell party. I don't have that much money to buy everything i need. Thanks to my beloved daddy for the $$. I love you dad. :D

So, today is the day. I wrote on my Facebook wall yesterday like this 'I don't know what feeling I should put on this Friday. Usually i will write ' Thank God It's Friday' or simply TGIF. But today the TGIF thingy doesn't sound so good for me. Should I show my gratitude because its weekend and I’ll enjoy the Sabbath tomorrow? Or should i cry because i need to wave that goodbye with the precious children? I don't know.

This morning, i was awake late again =.= I was too tired i think because yesterday i was working all day long including the choir practice that end on 10 pm  I heard the alarm ringing on time. It's 5.30 am in the morning. Another meaning of the alarm was I NEED TO WAKE UP AND START COOKING for the children. I didn't snooze the alarm but i turned it off. NAH! So, i was awake at 6.20 in the morning and i was like the spring that attracted to any magnet, leaving my comfy mattress and blanket, rushed to the kitchen. Thank God i did cut the veggie last night so i only left with those noodles, sausages and French fries. 

I only have 1 hour to prepare those three. When it comes to the critical time, everything seems really annoying. I took out the sausage from the fridge and it stick real hard with each other because of the ice! Oh i do love ice but today i seem like want to destroy all the ice in the world. I took a quarter of the hour to wait for the ice to melt? SERIOUSLY! Well, i didn't stand still though. I was there punching the sausage and sometime hitting it to the wall. I was walking all over the kitchen and looking at the clock hundredths time! I started cooking with the fried mi and oh-la-lah; i accidently pour a lot of salt into it! OMG it took me 30 second to think either i need to wash it or let it be just like that. 

Another thing that disturbed me a lot was the seasoning cube. I think i bought it yesterday but i can't find it anywhere. So i just use the very basic ingredients. Next I discover that I leave the seasoning inside the car together with the soft drinks. Next, the French fries too took a lot of time to be cooked well. It almost 7.30 and i haven't took a bath yet and i haven't cook the sausage with chilly sauce. I was brushing my teeth while waiting for the sausage and i did take a bath while waiting for the French Fries. Simply i can say that the morning was a real battle with TIME! 

I went to school with a big grin and messy hair etc. Never mind that, the students waiting and i can imagine a class filled with a variety of food. I arrived at the school canteen when the 3J student was calling from the 2nd floor. They helped us to carry the food upstairs while i was departing to take the trophy at the staff-room. 

When i enter the room, i was shocked actually that the students didn't bring the foods they told me yesterday. I was thinking for a while - will this food be enough? I was thinking about the salt i accidently poured out this morning and it'll be the main dish for them? ... Blank --- blank--- blank--- Fortunately i have Teacher Hani to help me with the food's distribution and the first problem is settled. Now i was waiting for foods complain. Well done! Intan was saying 'Teacher, this one is too salty.' I ignored that and continue talking with another student. Actually i pitied Intan for eating those foods. I am so sorry dear! I promise to wake up earlier next time and cook tasty food! I know it’s far to go to master the cooking skill but I’m gonna give my best on it. Well, I didn't hear any complain after that so I jump into a CONCLUSION: The Taste is in the Tongue of the Beholder! :)

We ended our party with Trophy giving to the top four students.

Next unforgettable moment that happened today was: We get scolded because of our PR and i really think that it wasn't supposed to be like that. Some people are really annoying - trying to show a good care but actually doing the opposite side! And i hate those kind of people. I really really want to slap that person twice or maybe thrice or maybe more? I tried to look towards the brighter side but it was dark, gloom and black! =.= LESSON: Don’t do it to your future men-tee.

We just finish our farewell party that morning when I put my things to the car and i was slowly thanked God for the wonderful experience i got from this school. The Principle said - what we've been through here was just a beginning of everything. It would be in a first page (content) if we are about to read a book. There’s so much left undiscovered and of course too much more to understand.

As I moved out to the school, I deeply hope I can meet them back and Thank God, I manage to hold back my tears. That evening, I spend time sleeping before meeting my beloved Wendy after visiting my beloved children at school with Mr. Pyan.

As the sun goes down, I slowly said ‘Thank God for giving me a day to rest, to left the worries I got from this world and to hibernate from a tiring week. I know You never want us to suffer. I love you and Happy Sabbath’

Mr.Camera

*later*

XoXo

Day #13 : It's on the verge of waving.

Busy day again - i was reporting this on sunday .

It was Thursday morning and i need to take care of the 3 Jauhari for the first 3, teaching and learning period. It was the last day for me to come to their class before i wave that unexplained goodbye. I promised them that i'll show them the photos that we've been through along 3 months together. I remember that morning when Mr. Pyan was helping me to borrow the school's LCD for the photo slides later. Unfortunately, the front socket was damaged and the wire wasn't that long to connect the LCD to the back socket. 

So, while we are waiting for the extension, i was saying this to them 'so what are we gonna do today?' with super-no-idea-face. That conversation brings us to keep talking and sharing and etc. I hate to tell them that today was my last period in school with them. Well, i told them by the way. Then, the children welcomed my incomplete speech by saying 'Teacher, let's make a simple party for your farewell’. Actually, i really don't believe the words come from them. It's not that i don't believe them to do that but i don't expect that much. So i was asking them over and over again to make sure either they want or do not want to do that so-called-farewell-party. They were getting bored i thought, that they are start talking with each other again and that well-managed class turn to night's market. 

I was trying to warn them to keep their voice low but it didn't work out well. At the same time i was holding the long rattan, i held it since i start talking to the class actually. So, I hit the table and sure it produces a loud sound and it scared the students - Thank God they stop talking for a while.  But a little while later some of the student talks a bit, some of them talk out loud (like seriously!). I was staring at them like a pregnant lion but they seems didn't notice it except Azhar. So, Azhar was yelling to the class to let them shut their mouth. It seems work out for a while but then the other try to copy Azhar. Booommmm - the class turned opposite again. 

I was so serious back then and little by little the students keep their voice low and start whispering and staring at me scarily. Ahhh, it's a lot easier now! So, i continue the discussion about what and how will we do the farewell party tomorrow. The discussion went on smoothly until one of them shouted 'Chystelle,bring Squirrel' (as yesterday they are talking about what did they ate at home and Chystelle said 'squirrel' to Mr.Pyan) and the whole class laughing including me. I just can't control it. I   mean i can't imagine someones eating squirrel. 

When i laughed together, the whole class now looking at me and conversation like 'teacher, Ari eats elephant' 'Azhar eats mouse' and everything related to what they eat come out. I knew they did that because they really think the 'food(s) thingy would make me laugh and stop yelling or hit the table or so on. I just answer everything this time until i am really running out of idea. So, there's a lot of time left and i am just too lazy to teach the syllabus. Luckily Mr Pyan comes up with the idea, asking them to write everything they like or dislike about us along the three month. 

I am just about to sit and relax when i heard 'Teacher, there's a pig!' and the whole class were laughing out loud again. I saw Flegon and Mc Roy were laughing and 'holding' their tummy with their face red.They are pointing at the front door and can't finish their words.  I wonder what made them really-really laugh to cry. When i turned to the direction i burst to laugh too. It's Adim, my remedy student. He was there watching us with his face stick to the class's mirror and his nose and mouth was pushed upright. Well the view was really funny, plus his teeth look bigger probably because of the mirror refraction. Adim didn't mind the situation that he continues with the pose and smile which made us laugh harder. Well, the situation is simple and it might looks like 'nothing-funny' but the situation was different when it includes children. Their purity and immaturity made me always adore them, made me always want to share their inner self - laughing and playing all the time like nothing is wrong. Children can be translated to H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S too! 

*Adim was a remedy student but he is very active, fluent in speaking, funny and attractive of course. If you got a chance to look at him once , you won't see him as a remedy student. He is very bright though.*

So, i got letter(s) from them and it triggers my mixed feeling again. Sayings like teacher, although you're far from us, we always love you', 'thank you teacher for teaching me about health and way to take care of myself', 'can i follow you back?' and another letter that made me laugh was 'i prayed you will find your spouse asap!' Now i understand how expensive a treasure like C.H.I.L.D.R.E.N. was.

The next thing that we did was watching all the photos, laughing at their own silliness and watching movie. By the way, we didn't finish that movie and we went together to the canteen. The students was following me from behind and by my side(s) made me feel like a mom with dozen of child. They ask me to spend them but i explained them slowly that i don't have that much money to pay for their foods. I mean, it's 31 pupils and i only have 15.00 on my wallet. The students didn't believe it and begin to ask my salary per month and bla3. I explained them that i am still a student like them, that i need a lot of money to study too, that i don't have a monthly salary etc briefly. I found myself explaining thing so serious and thank God, they finally understand. Child, if i have 60 ringgit on my pocket i will spend all of you! 

Along the way to canteen, i was touched with Sofian's story. He said that he is poor than me. He told me that 2 years ago the soto's price is just 30 cent but now it's 50 cent. So, his parents don't have that enough money to spend his food at school. I can imagine that he went to school looking at his friends eating and enjoying food(s) and he is there swallowing his saliva and imagining it to be a delicious food. Then, he needs to stay at school until late evening to attend the dance's practice. I am secretly give him my respect for being so strong and to be able to stand firm alone and different from his friends. I want to give him food so badly but i am afraid the other will say these and those and sulking over Sofian. My heart hurts as i let him go just like that. I was imagining that there'll be a small person with magic will find him and give him what he wants n need like what we saw in the movies. It's a myth, i know, but i am glad that there's someone up there called God The Almighty who will protect and watch over him! Although i didn't help him today, i promise i will help the kind(s) to change their life.

Lesson Learned.

Mr. Camera

*later*

XoXo

I Have Something To Show You #1 : Train's Trip

Thanks Guys for the moment(s) :)

XoXo