It 's Sabbath evening and it's raining heavily outside. I was inside the Church Female Guest Room, trying to forget the gastric pain. I don't know when did i start having this gastric in me. I remember well when i said 'i wonder how is your pain' to my eldest sister when she was in the corner of our home, refuse to take any food nor drinks and trying to resist even a little movement. She answer me in pain : 'If you have the smallest space on earth, i choose to go inside it, or you take that bed and put it above me.' Now i think i understand.
By the way, things didn't went very well this few days, that i really lose hope to count my blessings everyday. I was experiencing that 'scared feeling' that i ever locked myself in a room and switch off the fan on a very hot days just to hide myself from one person who really make me scared to death.
Just in case i forgot this in the future and i need to recite it for my children (if i ever get married) for them to learn a lessons:
There's that man who trying to manipulate my family and all people dear to me. He was pushing and pulling everything, beating around the bush and really know how to make me stressed out to the fullest. I don't know what to say more about what he is trying to do, but seriously, he is really CRAZY. I spelled that correctly and it explain the situation well. I used all kind of might i have to explain and he won't understand. He was very confident that i was made to be his wife but at the same time humiliating me with my past and using every story to threaten me just to follow his DESIRE. Yet, he is no difference with the one he was talking about. I mean, he was doing the things he use to humiliate me.
Another thing that pissed me out is when he tried to deteriorate my man. Oh please, That man whom i love the most isn't someone he know and it was quite annoying to hear him talking about HIM.=.= . The great difference between you and him was ' I LOVE HIM and I DON't LOVE YOU'. I think i spoke that out clearly ! I repeat it 8 times in front of you. Yet you come to my family and turn everything upside down . Well, i know mom was siding on you because you show your innocent side .
Oh please stop. I can't speak anymore. And i really can't face it anymore.
That was a veiled situation I've been through last few days and it was torturing me besides doing my Proposal paper. Thanks to dad that he helped me speak out to that man this morning. I hope this time he know how to distance himself from reality and dream. I was so mad, dissappointed, scared and sick because of this thing and its ruined my relationship with mom. I know i was too harsh on her. And i know i need to apologize, as i will do it right after i finish typing this .
Above all things that happen to me this week, i learned to live within the breathless day. And i learned to catch up with everything though i am very weak to deal with anything related to HEART.
Oh, by the way, our Ohana's video now finished and here it is .
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