Today’s entry is for Mr. Yusof B
Said. He is my lecturer and we knew each other since 2008 , the first year of
my IPG’s life (although he often confused me with my friend fresilla Magial).
He went to meet me at school to
observe me for my minor subject. Well, that wasn't the thing that I want to
thank him but the advice and support he gave me.
He told me to be patient to face
everything. We talked quite a lot even when the first he observed me. First, he
told me about the part that I need to improve on my teaching session then it expands
to my personal life. e.g.: healthy. He knew I didn't attend school once and the
reason was I am sick. So, he want to know why what and so on. To mention this
part, it was the hardest part to admit actually. Really! First, having that
something in you that make you embarrassed yourself – it’s not that easy. Second,
people will always judge and end up not believing.
I told him anyway because he
needs to know.
So, the moment I pour out
everything, he just shows his glaring eye. I am not sure what the meaning of
that looks is. Angry? Suspicious? Weird? Etc. I don’t know. I just continue
little by little and at the same time, curious about what he will say next. In
the end of my words he said, ‘actually, you are lucky to be one of them’. Huh? This
time, I am the one who gave him a big glare. Then he continues, ‘only a little
person can be this strong enough to face those hard time. You should thank God
because He trusts you to face this one big thing.’ Ahhh – I solemnly nod my
head. Do I agree with those? Or it’s just an act to show that I am listening? I
don’t know.
‘But I see you’re very active at IPG, managing
these and those?’ and I barely answer that question with ‘I don’t want to
looked different from other normal people. I don’t like when I cannot do what
normal people do because I am having this….’ I stopped there. And he just shake his head and begin to say ‘Prisca, u don’t need to prove anything!
No matter how hard you try, people won’t see you at your bright side. They will
only look at where you slipped. People gonna laugh at you anyway. It’s your
body and it’s just you who know it. Don’t prove anything.’
That advice brings us to another
conversation. It’s now about friends. He told me about him being like a
dead-but-alive-human, [what’s the exact word? Zombie? Gosh, I don’t know!] once
and the cause was Dengue Fever. He was in the other land of Malaysia , i mean Peninsular Malaysia to finish his Master. He told me that blood coming out from everywhere, the
eyes, the lips, the hand etc. I heard about dengue before but I don’t know the
effect will come out that bad. He said, when you be ill with dengue, the blood clotting
will stop. That why blood come out from every part of your body. SCARY! OK
back to when he was laying down on his bed at the Putrajaya’s Hospital ALONE.
He felt very lonely and there the feeling of needing someone beside him was
very strong. His wife and children was away – at home and it’s kinda hard for
them to reach the place. And he said if he dies that day, even his wife won’t
know. See how lonely the feeling was.
The loneliness brought him back
to the memories when all his friends come over from a distance just to ask
a.k.a discuss about their college works. He told me that he was giving every detail
that they need because they are his closest friends. But then he felt sad
because when he was lying there, no one asks how his condition, let alone
visiting him there. From that experience, he told me that we can’t always
depend on other person for we will face a lot of hard time alone especially when we are away from home.
When I heard that, first question
that popped out from my mind was: ‘What is it like to be out there?’ Then,
another questions followed : ‘What else I can find out there? How was it out
there? Will I have friend like Abby or Edora or Beat or or or ?’ Everything is
unclear. I am eager to travel and learn about another life. I am eager to be in
another place, to feel what they feel and to do what they do or perhaps doing
what they didn't do.
I've been here doing the same
thing every day, working my butt of towards one and only goal – to be a teacher
that I am not really into before, staying at hostel and walking around the town
and haven’t get a chance to see what is outside my current box. It has been
like ‘katak di bawah tempurung’ *Malay’s
Parable* which means, ‘a frog living inside a coconut shells.’ NO! The
exact parable is *katak di bawah gelas
kaca* which I refer to ‘a frog living under a glass cup’ where I can see
outside expanding and I never move a bit to explore. Am I afraid of the
changes? No, I don’t have the basic needs to go out there – the money etc.
Because I am well aware that I live within a very ordinary family and we don’t
have that ‘expenses’ to expand. But, I promise myself, someday I will.
“Remember Prisca, be patient and
don’t prove anything out of your power.”
Oh, that startled me. How long he
has been talking and I was in my another world? =.=
By the way sir, I can’t thank you
enough for your support and great motivation. Today, I learned to appreciate
myself more than yesterday. Thank God for sending him to me. I know it’s you
who made him talk wisely like that. I knew it’s you who always gave me a lot of
blessings everyday – To mould me to be the person I meant to be.
P/s: Another credit to Nivea,
Avon and Kiss Beauty – You all help me to gain confident on my looks every day. Instead of talking about me being pale all the time, i should thank God for giving me a chance to work hard for my own sake - Not to look pale every day. "people who born beautiful is lucky but those who are not will learn to work hard." Thank you for make me work hard too :)
XoXo
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